When my (Jo’s) little sister, Ashley, was about 6 years old she used to ask a billion questions (maybe she was younger…I can’t remember anything any more).  Her favorite questions were, “What if you did?” “What if you didn’t?” For example, she would ask you “What if you stole this piece of candy?,” and you would reply back, “That would be bad,” and she would inevitably say “What if you didn’t?,” and you then would reply, “That would be good.” She asked it about everything all the time. It was hilarious and annoying all rolled into one.

I think about that saying all the time. I think of all the funny things she said and continues to say. I think about what funny things Co will say. As Ashley grows older (she is almost 15) I am amazed to see her grow into this beautiful, intelligent, young woman…who is still hilarious and annoying all rolled into one. As I think about it, I think that is a pretty good descriptor for most of my family.

Co has been sick. He is well now, but we had two days of a pukey kid. We went to sushi with a few of our friends on Saturday night and at the end of dinner Co threw-up all over our friend, Lindsay. When we got home he threw-up again and then we knew it was something that we should check out. You don’t mess around with dehydration or with fevers with little ones. We called the advise nurse both days of the sickness and of course we got two different versions of “advice.” The second day of his sickness we thought we were over it and then he did a sneak attack. There was throw-up all over me (Jo) and all over the couch (thank God for micro-fiber). Mo was complaining about how gross we were for having vomit on our furniture. I told him we were not gross, we are parents and this is a part of the deal. We slept with Co on our chest for two nights just in case he got sick in the middle of the night, I was terrified that he would choke and die. We had to get up every hour to feed him one ounce of milk. Honestly, I didn’t really care about the throw-up every where I cared more about the lack of sleep. I am still tired, but Co is happy and healthy and back to eating like a horse. This is a part of the joys of parenthood, right?

I (Jo) am returning to work next Monday and I have to admit I am so sad. I am not sad about working…I actually love my job. I am sad about leaving my little man Co. The good thing is that Co will be staying with Mo…so he will be loved and taken care of the way I would like. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am his Mama and I want to be with my baby and let’s face it…I don’t really think anyone can take care of him the way I can.

It is so funny to think just three or four weeks ago I was desperate to return to work…I was actually looking to hitch a ride to Mexico…I wanted to be anywhere but here. In a cruel twist of fate, I am healed and happy and this kid is now interactive and funny and I am off to leave him eight hours a day.  There are lots of little things that make this feel okay…as I stated before Mo will be with Co, I do adore my job so that makes this bearable, Mo and Co will eat lunches with me from time to time, I am off on Fridays and Saturdays to be with my boys, and Sundays I can take Co to work with me…that is all I can think of at the moment. I am sure there are more great things.

Millions of women deal with this decision and every day, but it makes it more personal when you are the one deciding. It actually wasn’t a hard choice to return to work. Mo wanted to make a career change and I didn’t want to leave my job and we needed childcare. I truly thought Co would go to one of the downtown childcare centers, but after all our trouble in the hospital and Co being in Kaiser’s version of a NICU…I just knew I couldn’t have him go into a center at two months old.

I have learned one really important lesson from being a parent…things never work out the way you planned and never speak in absolutes…you have no idea how you are going to deal with a situation until you are in it and you never know how your child is going to be. I said Co was definitely going into childcare and he isn’t (at least not yet). Mo and I both said Co was never going to use a pacifier or sleep in our bed…both have happened. The thing is, we don’t even care…you do what you have to do.

I feel horrible about complaining and not enjoying my entire maternity leave. Now that I like this motherhood thing, I have to throw work back into the mix. This is life, once you think you have it all figured out…everything changes. Isn’t that the way it is?

@bitmover to late, oranges are dead to me now…. Hello bananas!